Hopeful, or hopeless?

So it was a misunderstanding. He wasn’t attached, but that doesn’t prove anything at all. It just goes to show just how much he was into his ex, and still is. In all honesty, I was really glad when I found out he wasn’t attached like, “hey, at least he isn’t taken”. Some may say, “Well, now there’s a glimmer of hope for you!”

No. I don’t feel that at all. Just take a look at him; he’s the kind of guy that will love you with all his heart, the kind of guy who would give almost anything to make you happy without any second thoughts, the kind of boyfriend that your Dad wants you to have. Let’s face it; he’s the kind of guy that every girl would want to have as a best friend, boyfriend, lover, husband.

I honestly think that it is shameless of me to fall for him; thinking that I would be able to match up to him. Also, it doesn’t help that we’re pretty close to each other now. It just seems clearer to me, each day, that all we’ll ever be is, friends. Just friends. He says he’s trying to get over her. Just who is he kidding? It’s been over a year now; he’s still waiting. Waiting for the day that she’ll come back to him, even though he knows that she will never come back.

They always say, “If he’s happy, I’m happy.” But am I, really? I’m not that selfless neither do I believe in all that bullshit; even though I do know how far-fetched he is for someone like me. Sure, I’d be happy as long as he is happy. But I’d be the happiest, no doubt, if I’m the reason why he’s happy.

I’m thinking too far ahead, aren’t I? I don’t think I’m making much sense either, ha. But then again, when did love ever make sense; you fall so quickly, not even knowing if he will be there to break your fall.  And that brings me to today’s happenings.

Today was a real heart stopper; I got exposed to the one person I never wanted to let know about my feelings. Of course it wasn’t the guy himself, but you could say it is still pretty bad for her to know. Thank goodness for me though, that she was a trustworthy person and that she would definitely not tell about this to anyone else. I guess I expected it, since they are the best of friends and she knows me pretty well too. I guess it was a sense of relief that I didn’t need to hide it from her either, but I was pretty hesitant since it’d be so awkward.

Apparently, I worried for nothing. She was not at all weirded out by who I like, in fact, she seemed pretty excited about it. Ha, cute lil alien. However, the scariest thing that happened was, he was there when she asked me upfront about who I liked. I just hope he’s a blockhead and didn’t catch anything. It would be so awkward if he knew. I wouldn’t know how to talk to him or face him anymore; it’d just be plain awkward. Sighh, I really do hope he didn’t catch on but if he didn’t, he’d be a real blockhead wouldn’t he? Pfft, but then again, that'd be really cute.

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Unrequited

Here's the girl that has fallen in love a couple of times. A few of those had mutual feelings and other times, an unrequited love. Having an unrequited love didn't matter to her though as she didn't want to be in a relationship; just as long as she could have a conversation with him or just even seeing him from afar.

Things changed when she fell hard for one, one who had been chasing her for years, only to find out that she was too late; that she lost her chance to finally have someone who would love her wholeheartedly. She felt numb afterwards; in fact she became unfeeling towards love and the likes. She finally felt the walls around her heart breaking down two years later, only to find out that everything ended without anything even starting.

At first she thought it was just a crush, but she had already fallen in love without her knowing. He was charming, smart, kind and humorous; all the qualities that a girl would fall hard for. They got along pretty well; she thought she stood a chance.

As she got to know him better, she gradually knew that he was already taken by someone else. She was devastated. They say, “Just because there’s a goalie, doesn't mean you can’t score”, but then again you do not go in between someone who is in a relationship.

So what is the right decision; fighting for what she wants, or letting go of what isn't hers? Her head is a storm and her heart is a mess. It would definitely be going against her principles to break someone’s relationship, but should she really just let it go; when she knows she won’t fall in love, again, that easily?

The vast possibilities were running through her head; is he the right guy but they met at the wrong timing, or is it the right timing but the wrong guy? So she holds on to that tiny hope; that 0.01% that they might end up being together, that it will not end up to be just another unrequited love.

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